The Song of the Very Straight Men

—To the tune of “Away, Away With Rum” (the Song of the Temperance Union)

We never wear kilts, ’cause kilts are like drag
And one little swish turns a man to a fag
Can you imagine a deeper despair . . .
Than a man who went gay ’cause he wanted some air?

Refrain:
No way, no way we’re gay. No way!
No way we’re gay. No way we’re gay.
No way, no way we’re gay. No way!
And we’ll tell whoever will listen.